Beast or Desert

The Desert seems further away every day. I am daily concerned with my family, my work, my finances--and caring for all of these as God would see fit. Originally, my family had planned a week from now to be in the desert for two weeks to prepare us for our great journey to The Desert. I have e-mailed a few of my friends from there, but have not heard back in quite some time, and I believe they may disappointed in me for failing to compile my notes into a published treatise examining their culture and people. Whether or not that is the case... I am disappointed in me. My notes and journals always sit close at hand--untouched. My excuse is always time. I have so much to do for work and commuting, I barely have time to be with my family. So how could I take the focused and extended time it would require to complete such a project? I've already stopped e-mailing friends and prayer supporters, stopped blogging, stopped journaling, reduced time in prayer, and lost the discipline it would take to use what time I have left for such a grand project. Unlike most, my time is not wasted with the TV or sports. We have no TV, and just found out moments ago that the Super Bowl was next week. I don't know who's playing. My time is wasted on the Internet. Again, perhaps not like many. Not with games or gambling or chat rooms or explicit material. Although I check e-mail frequently, I really don't spend much time with it. More often, I waste gobs of time searching through the vast amount of historical, empirical, political, and scientific information available to all those willing to wade through it free of charge--learning about all the terrible things that have happened to humanity, mostly in the past century, and who is behind it all. No, I don't mean the dark spiritual legions behind it all. One Book told me about that. I mean the human actors who through avarice, pride, insolence, and selfish ambition have stolen, lied, defrauded, conspired, hijacked governments, perpetrated wars, and committed countless acts of violence to achieve their ends. I mean the Bankers, of course. The Rothschilds, the Morgans, and the Rockefellers. Originally, I saw only the players in our local stage, that fascist [group] we call the Neo-Conservatives. But the more carefully I looked, I realized that these shared not just geo-political ambitions, but financial ambitions as well. I noted the web of conspirators shared ties not only to political think-tanks, but to major corporations. CIA leaders, again, shared not just ties to secret societies, but also to the financial markets. The popular communist film Fahrenheit 9/11 only barely touches the surface regarding these ties. I have seen dozens of films on such subjects, and most of them, it seems, only touch on one small aspect of the big picture of what's really going on in our world. Some might claim that the film-makers are mere "conspiracy theorists", but this is a very misleading term when used in a derogatory fashion. Most of these film-makers have made an honest assessment of historical facts and determined that the official story they've been told simply does not withstand the facts. So the official story IS a lie, but discovering what alternative really happened may take some speculation. So that is where the "theory" comes in. But theory or not, one thing for SURE is that whatever the teacher/media/government told you is false. So these people want answers, real answers. They want the truth. And they want justice. At least when it comes to modern-day events, those responsible are still alive, but refuse to tell the truth. A few people do talk, but their voices are drowned by the loud and overwhelming power of the controlled and contriving press, who are owned by the same people who perpetrated the awful events in question.
I have consumed so much information, but have no idea what to do about it. What can I do to war against the bloodthirsty Bankers? I cannot personally outlaw the Federal Reserve. I cannot undo history. I cannot convince the average person addicted to their iPod and reality TV show to even think about something that really matters. All I can do is pray--and vote for Ron Paul.
But still there is the desert. It seems all the more appealing, to get away from the propaganda and the corporate giants and live in the Wilderness where you link up to your ADSL under a palm branch thatched roof. Yet I know that there is no corner of the globe that is not on the agenda of the Bankers. Especially when this Desert is filled with natural gas and oil. And when local and Chinese corporations are already competing with BP for control. They will arm the Islamic militants there, just as they have elsewhere. But even still... might it be safer than right here in the belly of the beast? I ask that question for my family. I know that safety is an illusion, but I still like to consider it, even if it doesn' t drive my final choice.
Why has God kept me here in the Belly? Does he want me to fight for truth from the inside out? The sword of God's Word calls men sinners who lie and steal and pervert justice and incite rebellion and oppress the poor. It pronounces God's wrath on those who do wickedly. Would God use me here--to prophesy against the Bankers and call the complacent church to repentance--before sending me to The Desert to proclaim Light and Hope and Salvation to the prisoners living in darkness and fear. Guide me, o Thou Great Yahweh.